Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Grandmother Hankins loved Iris. She planted hundreds and often ordered rare varieties from overseas. For many years after she died the Iris stopped blooming. In the last year or so they started blooming again. No one knows why...

I often walk. I have walked hundreds of times, sometimes overseas. Last month I did not walk as much. But in the past few days I have started walking more. I don't know why. My walks are not as pretty as an Iris. Grandmother Hankins loved me anyway.

Bluebird (Repost from 7-19-05)


Last October, to help deal with changes in my life I began to make pictures. This is one of my more recent efforts. I will load more. Please use this image as you wish. If you like it please make a donation to my favorite non-profit - Uptown Bills Small Mall at uptownbills.org. They help handicap people create and run businesses.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Morning


Morning in Iowa. If you call 4 AM morning. Some people call it night.

When I was younger I used to want to sleep late. Now that I am older I like to wake up very early. I am excited to still be breathing I guess. I never expected to live this long. I did not ask for it. It is not my fault. But since I still am alive I guess I will make the best of this day. I will try to use all the parts of me - mental and physical - that are still working. It beats the alternative.

I took this picture of a yellow Iris at my Father's house in Arkansas. I do not know its name. It does not know its name either. I asked it but it did not reply. It is still a pretty flower. Guess names are not that important.

Tribes

This is a repeat of a post from my original blog which died and is now slowly being reborn.
I am a tribe, part of a tribe and someone who needs freedom from tribalism.

I am a tribe of one because I can only speak, or try to speak, what is true for me. When I try to speak for others or give them advice on how they should behave I cease to be who I am and try to become a leader, teacher or priest. This is dangerous for me. Several visits to institutions and countless vain arguments have taught me at long last that I have no particular talent for, or interest in shaping the lives of others. If I do influence others these days it is due to a remnant of ego that I cannot shake. I am trying to get better. Please excuse me when I relapse.

In a way, this blog site thing is a relapse. Ego certainly is involved in releasing my thoughts into the vastness of the electromagnetic sphere – sending out a virtual “message in a bottle”. My only excuse is that writing is one of the things that I must do every day as a prophylactic measure against my return to the hospital. I have chosen to put these writings (drawings, photographs, etc.) on the internet because some friends say they like them. I like writing. My friends like reading what I write. Perhaps we are codependent! Maybe we need therapy!

I am part of a tribe or many tribes depending on your point of view. I am member of the tribe of animate beings. I am warm blooded and have an endoskeleton. I am a mammal. I am a human being. I am an inhabitant of earth, in the Milky Way galaxy, etc. I am white. I was raised Southern Baptist. I have attended university. On and on, the number of tribes seems to be infinite. This should be a beautiful thing and it is except that each tribe seems to want me to hate or, at a minimum dislike, all the others.

I appreciate the value of tribal loyalty. If I had not had loyal tribe members in my past I would not be here. A solo human on the plains of the Serengeti would have had trouble staying out of reach of the lions. When my ancestors roamed the earth in little groups they formed tribes to stay alive. They killed members of other tribes in order to survive, and let’s face it - often for greed and the pure pleasure of exercising the power of life and death over another.

The system evidently worked fairly well for small groups. If we didn’t like our tribe or we ran into a tribe too powerful for our tribe there was always the option of running away. There was always another place where there were no other tribes – at least of the human variety.

I no longer have that option. If 9/11 taught me anything it was this – I am part of one global tribe whether I like it or not. I must learn to accept you and your differences. I must make some attempt at treating you with love and kindness or I will become extinct. When I drive my SUV at 70 on the interstate I must be aware that I am angering those who do not have SUVs or even highways. It used to be that the “have nots” were fairly powerless and far, far away. Now with the internet, airplanes and telecommunications the “have nots” are my next door neighbors. Also, as 9/11 showed, the “have nots” now have the capability to reach anywhere they wish. If I bomb them, they can bomb me right back. If I hit them in the face, I am in fact hitting myself.

At times I long for the good old days. Days like in the westerns where the good guys wore white hats, the evil doers wore black hats. In my dreams, life was simpler then. But it was also much harder. They had no SUVs.

What to do? Returning to the good old days is not possible without giving up many of the comforts I have grown used to - comforts that others eye jealously. When someone in a stone hut, without indoor plumbing, watches television they see the wide difference between my world and theirs. An ad for an air freshner does not play will to the stone hut crowd. Guess I will have to look for ways to help them get their own Fabreeze, or better yet learn how to get along without Frabreeze, drive at 55 rather than 70 and save a little more of the Earth’s resources for other members of my tribe. I hope that I am successful.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Right Path


I often wonder about finding the right path for my life. I have wondered and wondered. I have studied and studied.

I once tried to study Christianity - for 18 years. I once tried to study from a teach who said he taught True Buddhism.

I have concluded that I am not a skilled student and that I lack the discipline for serious study. I no longer try to study.

Much of my time today I spend making dots. This is my first dot picture. I made it at Tony's grill in Iowa City, Iowa. The people there said they liked it so I gave it to them. It hangs on their wall.

I like toast better than my attempts to study religion. Toast tastes better and it is crunchy. I guess I am a better student of toast than I am of religion. Not so bad really. In the end we are all toast anyway. I hope that the eternal essence, God, Dharma, whatever will give me a little butter every now and then.

ANTS Are Small

This was originally posted on 7-17-05 - I am gradually reposting items from my orginal blog that died.


Was thinking about the size of ants...very small.

Wondering if they ever think they are at the top of life's pyramid like humans do.

Then I decided this was a silly thought.

Of course they do - that is why we must kill them.


Things to do today:
  1. Call Bill Ives about blog conference this fall - Bill has a great site - http://billives.typepad.com/portals_and_km/
  2. Go to Lowe's and check up on status of new blinds.
  3. Arrange Hawaii. - it is such a mess.
  4. Call David about his blog and set up time with Steve.
  5. Make new list...this one is too long.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Night Light

There is an artist named Shrigley who lives in Glasgow. I looked at his book this weekend. It made me laugh. It made me angry. Now I do not worry about Shrigley anymore.

This is Dorothy from Uptown Bill’s Small Mall. Each morning she cleans the alley behind the mall. No one asks her to do it. No one compliments her or pays her for doing it. Dorothy is a great teacher. Maybe someday we will figure out what she is teaching.

Dorothy is very brave – sometimes the alley is very smelly. I am not very brave. I walk through the alley quickly.

Hawaii Couple (Originally Posted 7-13-05)

THIS WAS POSTED ON MY OLD BLOG BEFORE IT CRASHED. FOR REGULARS - APOLOGIES FOR THE REPEAT.
REJEANNE AND I IN HAWAII

Aren't you thrilled for us? We did have a good time. We stayed at the Ohana Reef Lanai - a wonderful place. Hi Tim! I will go back to Hawaii someday soon.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Christian Wisdom


Driving home from Dad’s I saw this truck. It is a garbage disposal truck. I am confused by the name of the company.

Does this company use Christ to promote its business? Does this company dispose of Christians? Are there too many Christians? Are there too many people calling themselves Christians? I do not know the answers to these questions. I lack wisdom. I wrote a poem to explain my lack of wisdom…

Wisdom comes wrapped in pain.
Razor chains circle a pretty box.
Blood tipped fingers struggle with the lock.
Unlocked, the box has nothing within.

Each box holds another – an endless game.
Inside each box there is more of the same.
Scarred hands again wrap wisdom’s box.
Wisdom crawls to new lovers of locks.

Let wisdom’s chase pass me by…
Let nothing stand between me and the blue, blue sky…
May I find no need to study life’s meaning.
May I see clearly past all dreaming.