Some days writing is the only way I know that I really exist. The curtain between the real and the imagined sometimes becomes so frayed that it is transparent. Writing restores the warp and woof of the weave; reconstituting the barrier that “this” is the side where society and the real people live, while “that” is the side where things appear and disappear of their own volition – an Alice in Wonderland of the mind where “reality” becomes “curioser and curioser”.
Today is one of those days. I am in a good mood, but the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is filibustering my brain; telling me that I have done nothing today to deserve feeling good, that in fact my past (and likely my future) contains many things for which I should feel eternally guilty. Fuck the committee. I shall feel good today – even if the committee claims it is undeserved and temporary. I shall trust that my happiness lies on “this” side of the curtain and that the committee lives on “that” side. Here and now there is ample cause for happiness – I need do nothing to earn it. The sun shines in the window of the Bluebird Restaurant, a welcome sight after weeks of gray Iowa sky. Silver rimmed tabletops, chairs with blue plastic seats and silver legs, a blue and white checkered floor, windows large enough to let in the entire sky - energize my fingers to write these words, these very ones, to let me know that my happiness is real. The committee has no argument for this experience. There is none – only acceptance and joy.
2 comments:
Does EVERYONE have an Itty Bitty Shitty Committee?
Is everyone who has one aware of it?
Or is this a gift that only shattered souls can delight in?
And THEY wonder why we are rebellious, why we analyze and angst... how can they know that our very lives are in jeopardy if we do not.
Keep writing and sharing.
Thank you very much for reading my stuff and taking the time to comment. May peace and happiness come to you today.
Post a Comment