Things I Hated At 25 That I Like Now…

A friend asked me to write down a list of things I like now that I hated when I was 25. Here they are.

 

1. Science – When I was 25 I saw science as a soulless, reductionist view of the world. To me science robbed the world of its "magic" and joy. Now science is a doorway to wonder. The more I learn, the more I clearly see how things work, the more beautiful they become. Understanding the mechanics of things does not take away their emotional content. My appreciation of life is more profound in the land of science that it ever was in the kingdom of magic.
   

 

1. Calm Discussion – At 25 I loved having heated debates. I still engage in them now at times, but they no longer the same appeal for me. I once heard Professor George Forell assert what he called Forell's Law: "The amount of heat generated in a discussion is inversely proportional to the amount of light shed on the subject." I was certain he was suffering from the early onset of Alzheimer's. How could one reach the truth without a passion for truth? Today, experience has taught me the wisdom of Professor Forell's words. The more emotional I become about a topic the more I reduce my level of understanding.
   

   
    

2. Being Free of Drugs and Alcohol – At 25 I needed drugs and alcohol to deal with the unpleasantness of life. I even thought and argued that hallucinogens and psychedelics would free my mind. Perhaps moderate use was possible, but at some point I crossed the invisible line into addiction. I remained addicted until age 40. Today I cherish the clarity of thought that I have found without drugs and alcohol. I do not think others need to give up drugs and alcohol. Far from it. If I were in charge I would legalize all illicit drugs, tax them and use the revenues to help people who wanted help. I am neutral on the use of drugs. Some people use them safely and well. I am not one of those, and thankfully I no longer feel the desire to "use drugs like normal people". Life is wonderful enough without enhancements.
   

 

1. Reality – As stated, at 25 I was abusing drugs heavily. In retrospect I think I simply substituted drugs for religion. I was raised in a very religious household. I think in many ways I was "addicted" to the certainty and dualistic thinking of religion. The answer to all questions could be found in the Bible which came directly from God Almighty. This certainty gave me great peace and comfort, but it was built on brittle dogma. Once the dogma cracked under the reality of life in an uncertain world I filled the void with drugs. Today, without drugs or religion I feel lighter and the sun shines more brightly.
   

 

1. Embarrassment – At 25 I constantly worried about what others thought of me, that they would not like me. I still feel this at times, but far less often. I may not be wiser but I am not fearful about showing my ignorance or even my ass when the occasion warrants. At the risk of sharing too much information, I will say that (for reasons to lengthy to cover here) I once stood nude at my hotel window, peed into a cup and then drank it. Some have and continue to see this act as a sign of insanity. I do not. No one was hurt, offended perhaps, but no physical harm was done. I sometimes wonder if our puritanical belief that the body and its functions are "nasty" is not a greater sign of insanity than peeing into a cup and drinking it. Not to worry. Such actions are not a regular activity on my part. Most of the time I even wear a T-shirt when I swim, so that people are not subjected to the "nasty" flab of the old white dude. I know the rules and obey them at least most of the time.
   

 

1. Uncertainty – At 25 I was still on the hunt for "the" truth. I thought my prey could best be pursued through metaphysics, philosophy and spiritual means. If I could only find the right teacher, the right book, the right meditative practice I was sure that I would achieve enlightenment. Enlightenment. Oh how I longed for that blessed land of the "truth" where I would once more feel the safe haven of certainty. Today I welcome uncertainty. How boring life would be if all questions truly were answered? I prefer the angst and uncertainty of skepticism and science to the smugness I had when I was on a spiritual path. When someone engages me in evidence free discussions of "truth" I am like the little old lady in the Wendy's commercial. I can't resist thinking, "Where's the beef?"
   

 

1. Periods of Celibacy – At 25 my gonads drove my life. Now, in part due to age and in part due to temperament I enjoy periods. Oh all right, I do engage in self-gratification and so I am not a true celibate. But I often find good friendships are destroyed once the Rubicon of sexual intimacy is crossed. People's self-image seems to be more tightly linked to sex than just about anything else I can think of, except religion. After sex with a friend one of us invariably seems to feel a need to for a "stronger" more committed relationship. Once this happens the friendship tends to be replaced by role playing. Instead of sharing from joy, I find myself sharing from duty. So, many times, celibacy is the best course for me. Besides, given my sexual ineptitude, a good conversation generally lasts longer and is more enjoyable.
   

 

1. Being Alone – At 25 I was desperately afraid of being alone. I spent much of my time thinking about how to make people like and love me. As I have aged, I feel less and less of a need to prove myself to anyone. I sometimes worry I am becoming the old codger who steals kid's soccer balls when they trespass on his lawn. Thankfully, I have evidence to the contrary. I often travel and have found myself starting up conversations with most everyone who will pause to pass the time of day. Coffee shops, grocery stores and book stores have replaced bars as places to meet people. Yes, I am the garrulous old fart who wanders over sticks out his hand and asks, "Hi, I'm Dale. What's your name?" Many people turn away but whenever I find myself in a new city I soon have at least two or three people who smile when they see me and who welcome a conversation. So, I guess in one sense I am not afraid of being alone because at long last I feel I am part of the human race a family of over 6 billion. With a family that large I will never be truly alone. I just hope they don't all show up for Christmas dinner.
   

 

1. Freedom From Causes – When younger I was very concerned about the fate of the world and solving its problems. I constantly looked around for the right cause to join. Once I found "IT" I pushed IT to the limit (at least mentally) and discounted anything or anyone who had nothing to add to the IT. I viewed everyone through IT colored lenses. Today, I have no causes. I do visit a few to argue my point of view, but I hardly ever meetings or participate in hierarchies. In fact, I am pretty much an "anti-causist", with one exception. Kindness. I have a goal of acting with kindness at all times. I am not successful but for me the goal remains valid. I could wax on about this, but I have done that in other videos. I will leave it with the simple idea that if I have a cause it is to act with kindness. I do this not for philosophical or religious reasons, but because kindness is like gravity for me, ever present, inscrutable and mandatory.
   

   
    

2. Myself – One of my least favorite things at 25 was myself. I felt I was broken, flawed and filled with sin. I spent the next 30 years or so trying to find a way to fix myself or be deserving of forgiveness and love. This was a path of great misery. Today, I have not achieved "enlightenment" and frankly I hope I never do. I might get the idea that I should start a church or something. Now I often have peace with being Dale, just Dale – unadorned, unequivocal and free from the need to prove anything to anyone anymore. I get annoyed with people tell me how much better life would be if I understood this book, this philosophy, this teacher, etc. They seem determined to invite me to think of myself as broken and in need of "help", or alternatively as a source of wisdom who should "help" others. This broken and healing or sinning and forgiving model of life has not been useful to me, at least in the long term. It places me on a path filled with illusions. Far better for me (and probably for others) if I live my life as just plain Dale – the weird old dude who likes to write, play with his grandkids, hug his friends and sometimes make videos – the kind of fellow that you might sit and share a cup of coffee with. I like this old dude. I think he is a fine fellow. He needs no fixing as far as I can tell, and definitely is not interested in "fixing" anyone else.