Sunday, January 30, 2011

Letter To Tony

My friend Tony and I have been discussing Sam Harris' new book, The Moral Landscape. Tony is a very spiritual and loving man. I am not very spiritual, but I think I can at times be loving. I wrote the following during one of our discussions on Facebook.

I understand what you are saying Tony. But I cannot follow you (or Gandhi, or Christ, or Muhammed, Buddha, Thor, Krishna or any of the other thousands of gods or god like teachers) into the world of spiritual and religious dualism. Seeing the world as divided into the spiritual and the physical leads me to unhealthy places. Sit back, have a cup of coffee, and relax while I try to explain what probably appears as my obstinate "refusal" to see the spiritual truths of life.

After you have been locked up a few times for mental illness (even though you have done your damnedest to find and follow religious and spiritual paths), it is nice to know that someone is trying to find out the neuroscience behind how the brain works. Whenever I have been to the hospital, I have had strong feelings that I was worthless - that I was choosing to be sick - that I had failed to follow the right spiritual practice, or yes...that I had SINNED. Trying to use religion and spirituality to overcome this syndrome was like pouring gasoline on a fire. The more I sought contact with some unseen spiritual entity or force the worse things got. Every time I managed a "recovery" from hospitalization it has been logic and science that helped me - NEVER religion or prayer. Meditation was and is useful to me - as long as I see it simply as giving my jangling neurons some down time and reconnecting with nature/the universe, not as some means of finding the perfection of "enlightenment" or connecting with some metaphysical higher power. Looking for "magical" or "spiritual" solutions increases rather than decreases the level of my hallucinations and paranoia.

If I wander off into the dualistic world of spirituality and religion my emotional and mental health suffers. I feel I am a great person when I "sense" that I am following "God's" path, and like shit when I feel like some invisible God is angry at me or that I have improperly aligned my chakras. Sometimes, as you well know, I even get to thinking that I am God or that God has some great purpose for me. This thinking leads to very bizarre and often dangerous behavior. None of the God centered, or spirituality centered paths have worked for me. They have consistently led to deteriorating mental health. People like Sam, Damasio, Ramachandran, etc. have done more for my mental health than my long time study of philosophical "hermeneutics" and religion. I try to practice kindness because it helps my mental health. Neuroscience (at least what I have studied) does not have the complete answer as to why kindness works for me, but it has offered me much clearer, consistent answers (e.g. the phenomenon of mirror neurons) than spirituality.

This does not mean I have lost or given up my sense of wonder and joy at being alive. Far from it. Studying science has greatly increased my love of life. Knowing the "scientific" odds against my being here, the chances against my having friends like you, or being able to type these words makes the experience very precious to me. Knowing that the sun is a ball of burning gas increases rather than decreases my pleasure in feeling its warmth on my skin. Seeing myself as a part of it all, seeing it all as ONE thing, not two separate worlds (i.e. spiritual vs physical) increases rather than decreases my joy. Why? Because I do not have to rely on permission from God, or understanding of some mystical spirituality, to simply be and enjoy my life. I can be like a child before it knows anything about religion or spirits - when it simply enjoys breathing and exploring the wonders around it.

BTW Thomas Jefferson used to deal with his depression in a similar fashion - he drew architectural plans and studied mathematics when he was feeling low. He found that this was more helpful than spirituality.

I AM not saying that I am like Thomas Jefferson (although he also had a magnificent head of hair). I am saying that seeing the world as a unified whole, that I can study, learn and love is much more helpful than seeing myself as living on some, impure, lower level physical plane, in search of, and always less than, some lofty spiritual plane that is "perfect". (Plato was one of the key instigators of this shit (dualism) with his cave analogy. What a dick head.)

Love you Tony

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