Further evidence of insanity...
Danny said, “Couldn't help wonderin' if besides lovin' women didn't I love men a little too? Didn't hardly know what to do. So I wrote.”
Once again the night has woken me without a sound. Unless you count the voices in my head. There is that within them that cannot be named; beauty, beauty, beauty, and pain beyond all measure. The night hides wonders of razor edged joy so sublimely ravaged by fear and anger that they throw me from bed wide eyed in wonder so awesome and profound that sleep must be left to times of a duller mind.
What to be said? What to be seen? What to be sung in this place of dreams?
Buried deep in this old man's brain, a young child's heart sees scenes cast away against it's will: a lazy afternoon of sunshine; a grassy hill edged with a blackberry's thorny sweetness; a lover's arms, pale and flecked with red from ancestors who sailed wooden ships from seas to the north. He lies next to me, his creamy skin glows against green almost deep enough to be blue. I stare into his eyes. There is mystery there and longing for the love I was told never to express. I can call him Billy but his names are many and his love is sweet. From a deep grave of forbidden earth it calls to me. How can I reach it? How can it be freed? How can I know if it is imagined? Is it a reality or just a disease?
No. It is not sickness. This love is whole not broken. It is profound not profane. It is a sacred celebration separated by eternity from the lies of disease and sin.
Billy let me kiss you. I will slide my tongue along your lips. My nose will nuzzle your ear, finding that little spot perfectly shaped for safe harbor. Let me gaze into turquoise eyes rimmed with copper lashes. I will feel your breath, warm with the smell of fruit. Your hand will brush my cheek, rousing my blood with joy freed from eons of guilt. Your smile will show me that life indeed lives in this chest, that what fills my lungs is pure not diseased, that happiness comes even if others call it evil. I will open my mouth to your tongue's embrace. My fingers will trace a path from your nipples - down, down, to caress your softness and feel it harden in my hand. Lips will follow the trail blazed by touch, opening to enfold the musty and vibrant wonder, taking it deep and deeper still. Mouth and member will move in rhythm to a pulse ancient and profound taking us beyond self, catapulting us into brilliance. I shall rise and slide into you, feel your warmth caress me, welcome me, hold me tight as if saying, “Never leave. Never leave. Stay within forever.” Pulsing quickly we will soar to a timeless place where love explodes into the all within all. We will sleep in each others arms and wake to evening's cool breeze. I will kiss the top of your head, feeling the feathery softness of your hair. You will wake from your nest in the crook of my arm knowing it will always be there to protect you. You will swear to eternally stand against those who would do me harm. Boy to boy. Hand to hand. We will send our love to an old man typing in the night. We will give him a smile to prop open the door in the dark, leaving a crack for the light of our hillside love – the innocence of innocents, hugging him when he fears the night.
“Don't make no sense to me,” said Danny, “but I guess if that's what it was, then that's what it was.
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