Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Problem In Iraq

"The problem in Iraq is that people are being killed," said Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld in an interview on NPR this morning. Expressing anger that he had not been told of this development sooner, Rumsfeld said he will launch an investigation to find out who had been keeping the information from him.

"I had no idea at all that people were being killed," said Rumsfeld, "and believe me when I say 'heads will roll' when I find out who is responsible."

An anonymous Pentagon source revealed that Rumsfeld has suspected that people were being killed for some time. However, recent news reports of dozens of people dying caught the secretary by surprise. Evidently Rumsfeld thought that his new design for a "rapid response" military would allow war without death.

Rumsfeld says he is considering taking back all bullets from US troops. "I previously cut back on armor for humvees in order to lower the likelihood of US soldiers killing people. Clearly that was not successful. I am left with the unhappy choice of taking back all the bullets. Our troops will maintain their rifles. They can display them prominently. This show of force should be sufficient to deter the Iraqis. After all they are a cowardly people."

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